Kayne (middle) with a couple of friends from Upstate NYI

We have recently suffered a terrible loss.  I say "we"--this person wasn't connected with Re:Church in any way, but he was connected quite closely with Daniel and I through the Upstate District NYI (Nazarene youth).  His name was Kayne Erickson and he was just 17 years old.  On Wednesday, December 14, I got a text message saying that he and his sister had been in a car accident and that they needed prayer.  I prayed for their safety and health immediately, and having no other details, kept on preparing for my Zumba class that was scheduled to start in just a few minutes.  I then got a call from a close friend of their family's, telling me just how serious the accident was.  Sparing you the heart-wrenching details, I will just say that his sister was okay but that Kayne did not make it out of the car.  Instead, he went to be in the arms of his Savior that evening.

As I went home (obviously Zumba class was canceled since I couldn't hold myself together), I was left with this unbearable sense of sadness, mostly for his parents who would not see their son graduate high school, go to college, get married, or have his own children.  I was sad for his sister who would continue high school alone.  I was sad for his friends who had this big hole in their lives now.

The next afternoon I joined his church family & his friends for an impromptu "remembering" and candlelight vigil celebrating his life.  Mom, Dad, & sister were still at the hospital and so could not be there.  As I stood there, listening to his friends talk about his smile, his love for people, and his love for Christ, I couldn't help but rejoice in my heart that he had made such an impact on the world around him in such a short time on earth.  With such a mixture of emotions, I then headed over to the hospital to see his family.  I was apprehensive, not having had much direct experience (as a pastor or otherwise) with death and grief.  When I walked into that room, we hugged and cried and looked at pictures and hugged some more.  We exchanged some small talk about other things, and I sat there with them.  I just sat there.  We finally prayed together and I got in my car to drive the hour back to my own house.

Over the next several days, I couldn't sleep at night and couldn't function very well during the day either, heavy with grief for Kayne's family and friends.  Everyone said he was going to make a great impact on the world.  He was thinking maybe he would become a youth pastor to share the love of Christ with more teenagers.  As the day of the funeral came, and we packed into that crowded room (it was standing-room-only long before the funeral was scheduled to begin), I was surprised to feel my heart lift as I heard the testimony of Kayne's life shared by those who knew him and loved him best.  My friend, Kayne's pastor, made sure that Christ was lifted up and Kayne's life of passionately serving Him was highlighted.  No, Kayne was not perfect.  No, God did not take Kayne away because of some pre-planned event.  But God was there that night.  God was there in that car with Kayne, as He gently took his hand and led him to meet his Savior in eternity.  It was a beautiful moment of closure, and although it was sad for those of us left behind to mourn, we can rejoice knowing beyond a doubt where Kayne is now.

What a tribute to a life well-lived.  I have seen first-hand how important it is to cling to what we know, even if our hearts are breaking and we feel like life will never be the same.  God IS faithful.  God does not let us walk through these things alone.  It was such an important reminder for us to realize how precious, and short, life is.  We don't have forever.  We don't have all the time in the world to get our own lives in order, or to make an impact on those around us.  I want to let Kayne encourage me to make the most of every opportunity and live a life of love because of Christ.

As we prepare to begin a new year, let us not forget about these lessons learned from death and grief.  Christ has conquered the grave and death is NOT the end.  We can be secure in that knowledge and do everything we can to share that with those around us!

Psalm 77:1 says,

I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might,
I yell at the top of my lungs.  He listens.

Wow.  He listens.  If you read the rest of this Psalm, you will see that the psalmist is in anguish.  God is apparently not acting, not intervening, not helping, not responding to urgent prayers.  And yet, He listens. Down a few verses, the psalmist says,

Once again I'll go over what God has done,
lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,
and give a long, loving look at your acts (vv. 11-12).

This, in a nutshell, has been our year.  Emotionally wrenching and difficult, and yet God has been faithful.  I have yelled and screamed and prayed and cried, feeling as if God has left me behind and forgotten me, and yet he still listens.  When I sit down and remember all the ways God has been faithful, all the ways he has provided against all odds, and all the distance that we've come with this church planting journey, I can't help but stand with the psalmist and say,

O God!  Your way is holy!
No god is great like God!
You're the God who makes things happen;
you showed everyone what you can do--
You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble,
rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph (vv. 13-15). 

Just a few of the ways God has been faithful to us:

• He has brought us a few great friends to come alongside us in planting Re:Church
• He has put a new tenant in our Watertown house that is paying rent on time, which pays not only our mortgage but other bills as well each month
• He allowed us to come back and spend a Sunday with our church family in Watertown, where we were blessed to not only share our story but receive the most GENEROUS love offering ever (which paid some bills that we didn't know how we could pay that month!!)
• He has helped my heart to truly settle in and feel like Ithaca is finally "home"
• He has put Ethan in a great school with a great teacher, where he can't wait to go each day!
• He has brought us a wonderful babysitter and friend in "Miss Bette"--we are SO BLESSED by her love for our children

And the list goes on.  I could sit here all day.  Please, please, continue to pray for us.  Specifically right now:

• That God will continue to give us the vision and lead us step-by-step into what's ahead (and that we will be quiet enough to listen)
• For some friendships in the works for each of us (Daniel and Amanda)
• For my seminary classes beginning in January--that I will be able to juggle everything and that our new schedule (me traveling to Rochester every Tuesday afternoon) will run smoothly

We are so blessed!  Merry Christmas!