I was struggling through most of December. I tried to keep it mostly to myself, although I think it reared its ugly head in front of friends once or twice. I avoided writing on this blog, because what was there to tell? I was lonely, sad, lost and directionless. Some days, for me, were full of nothing but cleaning, cooking, and childcare*. To be truthful, I was embarrassed. I am the one who preached hopeful messages about this new work, this mission that we were called to. Many of you who are reading this support us through prayer and giving, and our church family in Watertown sent us off in hope and support, like sending off a daughter to an exciting new place (that's what I felt like!). It was silly of me to feel lonely, depressed, and lost...right? So I kept it to myself, and lived for Sundays, where I could go to a nearby church with my family, celebrate Advent, and interact with adults besides my husband!

But when I started this blog, I wanted to chronicle it all--the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's not without struggle and pain that God works with humanity. I was always in awe of those people who write ministry books and happily gloss over the pain, the difficulty, those moments when all there is to do is fall on your knees before God and ask Him what to do next. Life doesn't grow without those moments. I have been pregnant twice, and both pregnancies were not without their difficulty. Morning sickness (that somehow lasts all day), total exhaustion, being uncomfortable constantly, outgrowing even your favorite maternity pants, and of course the pains of labor...none of it is a walk in the park. It's all miserable, until that moment when you see the reason for all that suffering. Holding the little miracle in your arms for the first time, even if that miracle is screaming (as in Ellie's case for her first hour of life), makes it all worthwhile, and the pain and anguish you went through makes it that much sweeter. It's the same in a life of following Jesus.

We have a LOT to praise God for, and He has shown His faithfulness in many, many ways since we've moved. Somehow, we have made our mortgage payment on our Watertown house every month, despite being SURE that we could never keep paying without renting it out. We have had random strangers give us money that always seems to meet a need just in time. Daniel has been enjoying his job more and more, and is getting scheduled for more hours now that a co-worker is moving away. Ethan got a spot at a preschool run by a local church, which means he get to learn about Jesus while he's there! I didn't get the job at the YMCA (which I was more depressed about than I let on, even to Daniel), but I have started teaching my own evening classes at the church next door, and I got an email out of the blue offering me a job teaching noontime classes at a local fitness center with better pay and better possibilities than the Y would have offered. Within a few hours I was able to secure a regular babysitter for those classes. We have lunches and dinners set up with some local people we've met, with whom we're hoping to build real relationships. The blessings go on and on...I could keep writing all day about the ways God is good.

So my point in all this is, I don't know what God has in store, but I am hopeful for what 2011 will bring. We are humbled and blessed by the way God works through His people. And we ask you, friends, to continue praying for us and with us for the city of Ithaca! God DOES answer prayer!

Please keep praying:

Ephesians 3:20-21:

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

UPDATED:

*It has been brought to my attention that this sentence might be offensive to some. I hope my friends and those who know my heart know that I would never seek to diminish the role of staying at home and taking care of one's family. In many ways, as I wrote about in earlier blog posts, I am enjoying the opportunity to stay home and slow down. However, my calling is also to pastor and reach the lost, and I simply meant to convey my frustration at feeling like I wasn't doing those things. Hope that makes sense and heads off any further misunderstanding.