Tuesday, December 27, 2011
On Death and Grieving
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| Kayne (middle) with a couple of friends from Upstate NYI |
As I went home (obviously Zumba class was canceled since I couldn't hold myself together), I was left with this unbearable sense of sadness, mostly for his parents who would not see their son graduate high school, go to college, get married, or have his own children. I was sad for his sister who would continue high school alone. I was sad for his friends who had this big hole in their lives now.
The next afternoon I joined his church family & his friends for an impromptu "remembering" and candlelight vigil celebrating his life. Mom, Dad, & sister were still at the hospital and so could not be there. As I stood there, listening to his friends talk about his smile, his love for people, and his love for Christ, I couldn't help but rejoice in my heart that he had made such an impact on the world around him in such a short time on earth. With such a mixture of emotions, I then headed over to the hospital to see his family. I was apprehensive, not having had much direct experience (as a pastor or otherwise) with death and grief. When I walked into that room, we hugged and cried and looked at pictures and hugged some more. We exchanged some small talk about other things, and I sat there with them. I just sat there. We finally prayed together and I got in my car to drive the hour back to my own house.
Over the next several days, I couldn't sleep at night and couldn't function very well during the day either, heavy with grief for Kayne's family and friends. Everyone said he was going to make a great impact on the world. He was thinking maybe he would become a youth pastor to share the love of Christ with more teenagers. As the day of the funeral came, and we packed into that crowded room (it was standing-room-only long before the funeral was scheduled to begin), I was surprised to feel my heart lift as I heard the testimony of Kayne's life shared by those who knew him and loved him best. My friend, Kayne's pastor, made sure that Christ was lifted up and Kayne's life of passionately serving Him was highlighted. No, Kayne was not perfect. No, God did not take Kayne away because of some pre-planned event. But God was there that night. God was there in that car with Kayne, as He gently took his hand and led him to meet his Savior in eternity. It was a beautiful moment of closure, and although it was sad for those of us left behind to mourn, we can rejoice knowing beyond a doubt where Kayne is now.
What a tribute to a life well-lived. I have seen first-hand how important it is to cling to what we know, even if our hearts are breaking and we feel like life will never be the same. God IS faithful. God does not let us walk through these things alone. It was such an important reminder for us to realize how precious, and short, life is. We don't have forever. We don't have all the time in the world to get our own lives in order, or to make an impact on those around us. I want to let Kayne encourage me to make the most of every opportunity and live a life of love because of Christ.
As we prepare to begin a new year, let us not forget about these lessons learned from death and grief. Christ has conquered the grave and death is NOT the end. We can be secure in that knowledge and do everything we can to share that with those around us!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Yelling and Remembering
Psalm 77:1 says,
And the list goes on. I could sit here all day. Please, please, continue to pray for us. Specifically right now:
We are so blessed! Merry Christmas!
I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might,Wow. He listens. If you read the rest of this Psalm, you will see that the psalmist is in anguish. God is apparently not acting, not intervening, not helping, not responding to urgent prayers. And yet, He listens. Down a few verses, the psalmist says,
I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens.
Once again I'll go over what God has done,This, in a nutshell, has been our year. Emotionally wrenching and difficult, and yet God has been faithful. I have yelled and screamed and prayed and cried, feeling as if God has left me behind and forgotten me, and yet he still listens. When I sit down and remember all the ways God has been faithful, all the ways he has provided against all odds, and all the distance that we've come with this church planting journey, I can't help but stand with the psalmist and say,
lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,
and give a long, loving look at your acts (vv. 11-12).
O God! Your way is holy!Just a few of the ways God has been faithful to us:
No god is great like God!
You're the God who makes things happen;
you showed everyone what you can do--
You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble,
rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph (vv. 13-15).
- He has brought us a few great friends to come alongside us in planting Re:Church
- He has put a new tenant in our Watertown house that is paying rent on time, which pays not only our mortgage but other bills as well each month
- He allowed us to come back and spend a Sunday with our church family in Watertown, where we were blessed to not only share our story but receive the most GENEROUS love offering ever (which paid some bills that we didn't know how we could pay that month!!)
- He has helped my heart to truly settle in and feel like Ithaca is finally "home"
- He has put Ethan in a great school with a great teacher, where he can't wait to go each day!
- He has brought us a wonderful babysitter and friend in "Miss Bette"--we are SO BLESSED by her love for our children
And the list goes on. I could sit here all day. Please, please, continue to pray for us. Specifically right now:
- That God will continue to give us the vision and lead us step-by-step into what's ahead (and that we will be quiet enough to listen)
- For some friendships in the works for each of us (Daniel and Amanda)
- For my seminary classes beginning in January--that I will be able to juggle everything and that our new schedule (me traveling to Rochester every Tuesday afternoon) will run smoothly
We are so blessed! Merry Christmas!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Our Core Values
Anyway, one of the exercises Daniel and I have been going through from the book involves discovering our most important core values--these are the values we will hold most dear that will shape the identity of this particular church.
Here are the values we have identified, in no particular order, and in a "rough draft" format.
1. Communicating the Truth of Scripture -- with integrity and authority
2. Authentic Worship
3. Community -- involving grace-filled fellowship, people loving, growing, and serving together, and meeting others' needs
4. A Mobilized Congregation -- People knowing and using their unique gifts & talents for ministry
5. Seeking Lost People -- at home as well as around the world
6. Discipleship -- becoming fully surrendered, fully devoted Christ-followers
7. Cultural Relevance & Innovation -- willingness to engage with culture and to change our forms (not function) as needed to reach lost people
8. Excellence -- to be known for our excellence in ministry and all that we do, as an offering to God
What do you think? Are there any that you would add to this list (or subtract from it)? We are a work in progress and are constantly considering what will serve God and please Him in our context! Thanks for journeying with us.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Re:Church
You know that feeling when you procrastinate on something for a while, and you think, "Oh, I'll get to that next week/month/whenever I have time"...and more and more time passes until you think it's pretty much ridiculous to try and update? I have that feeling sometimes. This is one of those times.
It would take many days, and many blog posts, to completely update you on the places (spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically) I have been these last several months. Let me summarize by saying, you know those people who tell you that church planting is the hardest thing you might ever do in your life? Those people are right, and then some.
Not that it's all been bad--just the opposite. God has brought us through every trial, every dark time, every moment when I've wanted to quit before I even really start. I have had lots of great opportunities to preach all through the southern tier of New York and made lots of new contacts. My involvement with Upstate NYI is something that God continually uses to bless me, challenge me, and motivate me. My heart for teenagers is softer than ever. We are blessed on the Upstate district with awesome youth pastors, senior pastors, volunteer leaders, and of course students. I am continually amazed that I get to partner with such a great group of people.
Daniel and I have found a little more routine in our lives. September (we hope) will bring a weekly Bible study/small group. We have at least two couples who are interested and fairly committed to being a part of this group, plus many other acquaintances that we hope will become friends and also possibly join us. We are finally starting to feel more at home in Ithaca. I am still teaching Zumba at Finger Lakes Fitness Center and in the evenings. Daniel has begun to focus more exclusively on his web/graphic design business, NextMountain. We have renters in our Watertown house now (which is not without its problems). God is good, all the time.
Finally, the big news...we have a church name! In identifying our core values (the values and ideals in ministry that we hold most dear), we kept coming up with "Re" words--redemption, reconciliation, restoration. As Daniel and I dreamed, talked, and prayed together, the church name literally HIT us...and so Re:Church was born (at least in our hearts, and on Facebook).
I hope to share more in days to come about the dreams and the vision for Re:Church. We're always a work in progress. And God is good.
Prayer Requests:
- God's provision for our family and basic needs
- Bible study beginning in September -- to attract people, to be strongly rooted, to grow into a true community of believers
- I am planning to begin my M.Div at Northeastern Seminary in January -- nervous but excited about this next step in my education!
- Ethan is beginning all-day kindergarten at South Hill Elementary on September 7!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Imaginary Jesus
I just finished reading a very interesting book called "Imaginary Jesus". It's by a guy named Matt Mikalatos. To be honest, I stumbled upon this book completely by accident through the Kindle store. There are always free books available on the Kindle and so I periodically browse them to see if there's anything worthwhile there. Based on most free books I have read so far (aside from the classics), they are mediocre at best, and that's what I expected this book to be as well. I was completely wrong.Any book that features the apostle Peter (nicknamed "Pete" for modern-day) chasing down a Jesus in a powder blue sash in the first few chapters is at least interesting. But beyond all the hilarity (and there is plenty), there is a challenging message here. The book is written in first-person and deals with the fact that the main character, though he has been a Christian for a long time, suddenly has his eyes opened to the fact that the Jesus he follows, the Jesus he spends time with and talks to daily, is actually a product of his own imagination. In order to find and follow the real Jesus, then, he must search out and get rid of his imaginary Jesus...and that one is on the run. Along the way he encounters Testosterone Jesus (a popular men's retreat speaker), King James Jesus, Legalist Jesus, Political Jesus, and Liberal Social Justice Jesus, among many others. I think my favorite imaginary Jesus is Magic 8 Ball Jesus--you know, shake him and you'll get a random answer to whatever question you ask. I was actually laughing out loud through much of this book.
But when it comes down to it, Mikalatos drives his point home in a very real way. We love to construct Jesus out of our own heads, making him what we want him to be, what we can predict and control and understand. Jesus agrees with us and doesn't make us too uncomfortable. The real Jesus, the one in the Bible, the one who has power over all heaven and earth, is much more difficult, uncomfortable, and unpredictable. We are afraid. We are afraid he might ask us to do something we don't like, or give up something we really want to keep in our lives. Real Jesus is a powerful sort of loving that doesn't let us stay the way we are, but compels us to turn our lives upside down.
In short, check out this book--it's totally worth it. The author has a new book coming out sometime later this year entitled "Night of the Living Dead Christian". I can't wait.
Not to completely change gears, here's an update for us. I am teaching 5 Zumba classes a week (sometimes 6) and meeting many wonderful women in my classes and trying to form some relationships. I have also joined a MOPS group and am working on some friendships there. Daniel is still working at The Outdoor Store and enjoying the many varied folk that come in to shop (including some regular customers such as the Tibetan Buddhist monks, who apparently love North Face clothing). Ethan is loving Trinity Lutheran Preschool and we have found an adopted church home at Owego Nazarene while we continue to make contacts in the area. I have been spending a lot of time reading and journaling, which is a discipline that I didn't do a good job making time for in my previous life in Watertown. Getting to know the real Jesus more and more is challenging, exciting, heavy, and freeing, all at the same time.
Please continue praying for our family and our mission here in Ithaca!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Immeasurably More
It's a New Year, and feels like a new start for us in more ways than usual.
I was struggling through most of December. I tried to keep it mostly to myself, although I think it reared its ugly head in front of friends once or twice. I avoided writing on this blog, because what was there to tell? I was lonely, sad, lost and directionless. Some days, for me, were full of nothing but cleaning, cooking, and childcare*. To be truthful, I was embarrassed. I am the one who preached hopeful messages about this new work, this mission that we were called to. Many of you who are reading this support us through prayer and giving, and our church family in Watertown sent us off in hope and support, like sending off a daughter to an exciting new place (that's what I felt like!). It was silly of me to feel lonely, depressed, and lost...right? So I kept it to myself, and lived for Sundays, where I could go to a nearby church with my family, celebrate Advent, and interact with adults besides my husband!
But when I started this blog, I wanted to chronicle it all--the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's not without struggle and pain that God works with humanity. I was always in awe of those people who write ministry books and happily gloss over the pain, the difficulty, those moments when all there is to do is fall on your knees before God and ask Him what to do next. Life doesn't grow without those moments. I have been pregnant twice, and both pregnancies were not without their difficulty. Morning sickness (that somehow lasts all day), total exhaustion, being uncomfortable constantly, outgrowing even your favorite maternity pants, and of course the pains of labor...none of it is a walk in the park. It's all miserable, until that moment when you see the reason for all that suffering. Holding the little miracle in your arms for the first time, even if that miracle is screaming (as in Ellie's case for her first hour of life), makes it all worthwhile, and the pain and anguish you went through makes it that much sweeter. It's the same in a life of following Jesus.
We have a LOT to praise God for, and He has shown His faithfulness in many, many ways since we've moved. Somehow, we have made our mortgage payment on our Watertown house every month, despite being SURE that we could never keep paying without renting it out. We have had random strangers give us money that always seems to meet a need just in time. Daniel has been enjoying his job more and more, and is getting scheduled for more hours now that a co-worker is moving away. Ethan got a spot at a preschool run by a local church, which means he get to learn about Jesus while he's there! I didn't get the job at the YMCA (which I was more depressed about than I let on, even to Daniel), but I have started teaching my own evening classes at the church next door, and I got an email out of the blue offering me a job teaching noontime classes at a local fitness center with better pay and better possibilities than the Y would have offered. Within a few hours I was able to secure a regular babysitter for those classes. We have lunches and dinners set up with some local people we've met, with whom we're hoping to build real relationships. The blessings go on and on...I could keep writing all day about the ways God is good.
So my point in all this is, I don't know what God has in store, but I am hopeful for what 2011 will bring. We are humbled and blessed by the way God works through His people. And we ask you, friends, to continue praying for us and with us for the city of Ithaca! God DOES answer prayer!
Please keep praying:
- For that old house in Watertown to sell, already! And for God to keep providing, one way or another, until it does.
- For us to continue building relationships--with our neighbors, with families in Ethan's preschool, with other local Christian pastors, with moms I will meet in MOPS and the Ithaca MOMS club...and anywhere else we might find ourselves!
- For our children to continue adjusting to the move
- For my Zumba classes to grow and provide open doors to share the love of Jesus
Ephesians 3:20-21:
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
UPDATED:
*It has been brought to my attention that this sentence might be offensive to some. I hope my friends and those who know my heart know that I would never seek to diminish the role of staying at home and taking care of one's family. In many ways, as I wrote about in earlier blog posts, I am enjoying the opportunity to stay home and slow down. However, my calling is also to pastor and reach the lost, and I simply meant to convey my frustration at feeling like I wasn't doing those things. Hope that makes sense and heads off any further misunderstanding.
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